Over 50 delusional film critics entered this contest, with reviews ranging from absurd parodies to critiques so realistic we had to check the IMDB to be sure we weren’t being spoofed. Although there were some delightfully offbeat selections, a few directors and authors emerged as clear favorites – Terry Gilliam, Darren Aronofsky, and David Cronenberg lead the directors, while Alan Moore, Thomas Pynchon, and Gene Wolfe lead the authors. (In fact, based on the results of this contest, the ideal movie would be Alan Moore’s The Watchmen filmed by Terry Gilliam, starring Johnny Depp and Bill Murray, with a script by Charlie Kaufmann. Remember, you heard it here.)

On the more “delightfully offbeat” side, we had Dan Geddes re-imagining The Book of Revelation as Disney’s next Fantasia, Wally Bubelis appraising Keanu Reeves’ Borges in The Aleph, Sarah Schiff proposing a Portnoy’s Complaint filmed by Paul Reubens, Bob William’s jazzy take on Woody Allen’s kvetching Hamlet, and Michael Helsem’s bizarre entry, which had Barbara Streisand starring in the Laura (Riding) Jackson life story with music by Frank Zappa. There were three alternate versions of “The Lord of the Rings,” two imaginary concert movies, and a holographic piece of cinema projected back from the future.

In the end, each judge submitted three top choices, and the winners were selected by a simple tally. Entries were evaluated on creativity and originality, literary merit, and how well they reflected the “spirit” of the contest and the works featured on The Modern Word.

And the Oscar Goes To....

1. Trans-Plant
A film of Kobo Abé’s “Dendrocacalia”
Directed by Wong Kar-wai
Review by Craig Hasbrouk

2. Life: The Movie – an Eco of Perec
A film of George Perec’s Life: A User’s Manual
Directed by Umberto Eco
Review by Ronald Flanagan

3. Just Because You’re Paranoid
A film of Joseph McElroy’s Lookout Cartridge
Directed by Steve Villa
Review by Garrett Rowlan

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