Over 50 delusional film critics entered this contest, with reviews ranging from absurd parodies to critiques so realistic we had to check the IMDB to be sure we werent being spoofed. Although there were some delightfully offbeat selections, a few directors and authors emerged as clear favorites Terry Gilliam, Darren Aronofsky, and David Cronenberg lead the directors, while Alan Moore, Thomas Pynchon, and Gene Wolfe lead the authors. (In fact, based on the results of this contest, the ideal movie would be Alan Moores The Watchmen filmed by Terry Gilliam, starring Johnny Depp and Bill Murray, with a script by Charlie Kaufmann. Remember, you heard it here.)
On the more “delightfully offbeat” side, we had Dan Geddes re-imagining The Book of Revelation as Disney’s next Fantasia, Wally Bubelis appraising Keanu Reeves Borges in The Aleph, Sarah Schiff proposing a Portnoys Complaint filmed by Paul Reubens, Bob Williams jazzy take on Woody Allens kvetching Hamlet, and Michael Helsem’s bizarre entry, which had Barbara Streisand starring in the Laura (Riding) Jackson life story with music by Frank Zappa. There were three alternate versions of “The Lord of the Rings,” two imaginary concert movies, and a holographic piece of cinema projected back from the future.
In the end, each judge submitted three top choices, and the winners were selected by a simple tally. Entries were evaluated on creativity and originality, literary merit, and how well they reflected the “spirit” of the contest and the works featured on The Modern Word.
And the Oscar Goes To....
A film of Kobo Abé’s “Dendrocacalia”
Directed by Wong Kar-wai
Review by Craig Hasbrouk
2. Life: The Movie an Eco of Perec
A film of George Perecs Life: A Users Manual
Directed by Umberto Eco
Review by Ronald Flanagan
3. Just Because Youre Paranoid
A film of Joseph McElroys Lookout Cartridge
Directed by Steve Villa
Review by Garrett Rowlan
Movies Wed Most Like to See Actually Pulled Off:
Euchrid the Mute and Irony
A film of Nick Caves And the Ass Saw the Angel
Directed by Alain Robbe-Grillet
Review by Josh Armstrong
The Public Burning
A film of Robert Coovers The Public Burning
Directed by Terry Gilliam
Review by Lucas Klein
Bays V for Vendetta a Star-Spangled Treat
A film of Alan Moores V for Vendetta
Directed by Michael Bay
Review by Michael A. Cavagnaro
Best Hope for a Lovecraft Film Done Right:
The Music of Erich Zann
A film of H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Music of Erich Zann?” Directed by Brad Anderson, music by David Tibet
Review by Andrew Albert
The First Place winner will receive a package of four books as a prize: Neal Stephensons Quicksilver, the Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric & Discredited Diseases (with Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, China Miéville, and others), Nick Caves And the Ass Saw the Angel, and KJ Bishops The Etched City. (Courtesy of William Morrow, Night Shade Books, Henry Rollins 2.13.61, and Prime Books respectively.)
The Second Place winner will receive Stephensons Quicksilver and the Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric & Discredited Diseases.
Third Place winner will receive the Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric & Discredited Diseases.